USER
Life is an extraordinary place where people, experiences, and emotions all mirror the complexity of the universe! Among the countless humans I've seen, yes, my existence has not changed, but my ideals and motives for mine have. This one person stands out with their immeasurable impact. My best friend, with whom I share an unbreakable bond.
She didn't just enter my life; it didn't happen just like that; rather, she just entered the same classroom. She passed over me and sat at the back of the art class room. She seemed like an ordinary classmate, but it was clear she looked like a sadist. I had a shyness so talking to her was a no go I thought. However, her drawings fascinated me. Her paintings radiated warmth when I glanced at them. She drew effortlessly, drawing eyes to her creations. Little did I know that her flaws caved in and she couldn't draw anymore after suffering intense bullying from all the attention she received. I wanted to stop it.
She possesses an innate gift to sprinkle joy in the dullest moments through the way she draws. When she drew, she would smile, and I caught glimpses. I wanted her to keep smiling but I was afraid to raise my voice to confront the bullies to report this misconduct to stand up what's wrong but her art was real; she was real. After I summoned the courage to report the bullying, it got worse the bullies began picking on her even more. I thought I ruined her life now and I went into a shell my shyness was at its worst and couldn't and wouldn't talk to anyone, that is when she thanked me for trying to help. Additionally, I that resonated deep within me it made I did try to and even though I was unsuccessful that didn't mean I should give up if i was capable to receive thank form the person I look up to that gave me the motivation to not let her down but more importantly not let myself down so I started an anti-bullying campaign that sparked a school protest on addressing bullying. we worked together to accomplish speaking to friends other classes in different grade levels the teacher and administrators and even parents on social media made flyers and posters to place around the school.
During the campaign I had to be able to give speeches and talk to the largest audiences I have and I messed up almost all of my speeches but my voice and passion to stop bullying didn't go unnoticed. The school principal noticed my protest and agreed with my stance and rolled harsh punishments for bullying. My voice was heard but I could do this thanks to the encouragement I received form my best friend so ironically I was thanking her.
I wanted to get her attention so I ironically entered a state art competition but I didn't even qualify to enter in the preliminary rounds, I was devastated. I was in the upper tier of my local school, but at a larger stage, I was very shy, and I began to doubt my own aspirations. I stopped talking to people, isolated myself, and suffered from a very harsh depression. However, she went to my home and cheered me up; truly, she was the nicest person I met. Over time, I noticed how hard she worked while drawing. She showed me that at first she couldn't draw well, but only after a constant amount of hard work and perseverance has she managed to get where she is. I had always been told to work hard and persevere and always wrote it off as baseless, as I never actually gained anything after working hard, but hearing it from her, I could actually believe it. So we began our conversation after she healed me like a five-star doctor with her emotional support. My feelings were all over the place then.
Yes, we were different fundamentally; we were different genders and races, and even though you could classify us as opposites, we shared being humans and were connected by our bond. Unfortunately, that bond would be tested by her diagnosis of heart cancer. I could not see her in school anymore. Days turned into weeks, and her text messages stopped coming. I have never done something so bold as to visit a hospital; I had no way to go over there. I only told my parents that she was a friend from school. Even though my parents would decide if they would take me not asking would undermine everything I was through so I told my parents to take me. I learned I wasn't going to let my shyness and fear keep my voice down. I will see her. I wanted to see her, so I essentially begged them to take me to the urban hospital that was three hours away at midnight! I cried for it and begged for it. Yes, I wasn't a kid; I was a young adult doing these things, but the only thing I cared about was seeing her again.
As time passed, I began to see a reflection of myself in her eyes. She was lying in a hospital bed, and her family met my family. While the parents talked, I only had a few minutes with her alone. I knew my time was limited. She looked devastated but smiled so brightly that no normal person would be able to tell her fate. She could barely speak, but she whispered in my ear the last words I would hear from her—that she had finished her last project. My eyes widened. When I heard those words, she gave me a portrait of my face on a notebook she sketched and drew by hand, and she signed it. At that moment, tears began overflowing. I was acting like a baby, and I knew I wouldn't see her again. I actually began to cry, but the last thing I would do to her was dishonor her courage. I wiped my tears and smiled back at her. I thanked her and told her she would always be with me, and our bond wasn't going anywhere. The last time I saw her, it was in sharp contrast to when we first met, with her big smile and glowing face.
Before meeting her, I didn't know such emotions existed. What I felt was a lot like an affection tied to her drawings and, gradually, to her as a person. Her belief in the hard work she put in made her talent. I go back to my point of existence; I am here, to get over my shyness I have accomplished things I never thought I could do I have made my voice heard. Yes, I can and will do it, not just for myself, as others are with me. I keep that notebook always next to me when I admire the drawing; yes, that's me.
This essay could be improved
1. Make (Narrative) structure work for you. Focus on a challenge plus effects you’ve faced, what you did about it, and what you learned.
2. Show insight and growth. Show that you’re capable of reflecting, acknowledging your failings or where you were wrong, and growing through your new understanding is a sign of maturity.
3. Bring us into your world. You can do so through things like imagery and through illustrating your values and how your experiences have shaped them.
Improve the essay above by adding these points that will address the problems in the essay.
ASSISTANT
In the vast tapestry of life, I have encountered numerous individuals who have left an indelible mark on my existence. However, there is one person who stands out above all others - my best friend. Our bond, forged through shared experiences and unwavering support, has shaped not only who I am but also the ideals and motivations that drive me.
When we first crossed paths, it was as if fate had aligned our destinies. Just a mere classmate at first glance, she exuded an air of melancholy that piqued my curiosity. It was through her art that I discovered the depth of her emotions and the immense talent she possessed. Her drawings were a testament to her inner strength and resilience, radiating warmth and joy.
Yet, the attention she garnered from her art led to intense bullying, causing her to doubt her own abilities and forsake the very thing that brought her happiness. It was a difficult situation for me to witness, as I wrestled with my own shyness and fear of confrontation. However, I knew I had to take a stand, to use my voice to bring an end to the torment she endured.
Initially, my attempts to intervene only seemed to exacerbate the situation. The bullies targeted her even more, and I felt a sense of guilt for potentially making things worse. I retreated into a shell of self-doubt and isolation, believing that I had failed to protect my friend. But amidst my despair, she expressed gratitude for my efforts. Her sincere appreciation resonated within me, igniting a flame of determination and resilience.
Driven by the desire to make a lasting impact, I initiated an anti-bullying campaign that sparked a school-wide protest. Together, we rallied our fellow students, teachers, and even parents, to address the issue of bullying head-on. Though my speeches were riddled with nerves and imperfections, my passion for change did not go unnoticed. The school principal acknowledged our protest and implemented harsh punishments for perpetrators of bullying. It was through the encouragement and support of my best friend that I found the strength to overcome my shyness and amplify my voice.
Motivated by her unwavering belief in the power of hard work and perseverance, I decided to challenge myself by entering a state art competition. However, my dreams were shattered when I failed to even qualify for the preliminary rounds. The blow to my confidence was devastating, and I retreated into a state of self-doubt and depression. Yet, my best friend refused to let me succumb to despair. She reminded me of her own journey, of the countless hours she had invested in honing her craft. Through her example, she showed me that success is not always immediate, but rather the result of relentless dedication and unwavering belief.
Deepening our friendship, I realized that despite our apparent differences in gender and race, we shared a profound connection rooted in our shared humanity. Despite the adversities she faced, her spirit remained unyielding. However, our bond would face its greatest test when she was diagnosed with heart cancer. She no longer graced the hallways of our school, and as days turned into weeks, her messages became few and far between.
Determined to see her once more, I mustered the courage to ask my parents to take me to the hospital where she was being treated. Overcoming my own shyness and fear, I embarked on a three-hour journey to reunite with her. As I gazed into her eyes, confined to a hospital bed, I saw a reflection of my own strength and resilience. Though her fate seemed bleak, she radiated a vibrant smile that belied her circumstances. In the few precious moments we shared, she reassured me that she had completed her final project. It was then that she presented me with a portrait of my face, painstakingly sketched and signed with love.
In that bittersweet moment, tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to overshadow the courage she had displayed. But I knew that honoring her spirit meant embracing strength in the face of adversity. Wiping away my tears, I thanked her for her unwavering support and vowed to carry our bond with me always. Her belief in my potential and her artistic talent will forever inspire me to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness.
Before our paths converged, I was unaware of the extent of the emotions that permeated this world. Through my connection with her, I not only discovered the depth of affection tied to her artistic creations but also the transformative power of resilience and hard work. My purpose in this vast universe became clear - to use my voice and experiences to advocate for change and overcome my own insecurities. As I gaze upon the portrait she created, I am reminded of the strength we both possess to navigate life's challenges and leave a lasting impact.